


Incorrect quotes that probably happened

by HeyGhoulsTheBoysAreHere



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bertholdt is really sad, Eren Bertholdt and Marco hate eachother, Eren’s a hoe, Everyone’s gay, F/F, F/M, Incorrect Quotes, Levi is done with everything, M/M, Marco’s a little shit, Reiner is a gay disaster, Reiner needs therapy, so is eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27768895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyGhoulsTheBoysAreHere/pseuds/HeyGhoulsTheBoysAreHere
Summary: Some random incorrect quotes I made when I was high on caffeine
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Eren Yeager/Levi Ackerman, Jean Kirstein/Marco Bott, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Reiner Braun/Bertholdt Hoover
Comments: 24
Kudos: 209





	1. The daily shenanigans of the survey corps

Levi: I have a sword by my bedside, so if anyone wants to break in, they better have a remedy for steel, because it’s going right through their sternum.  
Eren: I have several Burt’s Bees chapsticks in my nightstand that I will throw at you, VERY hard

Reiner: You want me to flex and make all the buttons pop off my shirt?  
Bertholdt, confused: You can do that...?  
Reiner: The challenge is keeping them on.

Person: ooh! What a pretty lady!  
Annie: Thanks  
Person, to Reiner and Bertholdt: Now who’s the third wheel?  
Annie: That would be the pretty lady

Eren: I’m gonna go check out the situation. And you guys can check out my ass as I walk away. I think you’ll be pleased

Annie: One day I will solve my problems with maturity  
Annie: Today, however, it will be with alcohol 

Reiner: You’re losing a lot of blood! What’s your type?  
Bertholdt: Tall, Blonde, Muscular, Titan Shifter  
Reiner, blushing: I MEAN YOUR BLOOD TYPE!  
Bertholdt: *looks at arm*  
Bertholdt: Red  
Marco: Just let him die.

Ymir: Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!  
Historia, blushing: Reason 465982 why I love you!  
Reiner, after witnessing this: Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!  
Bertholdt: No their baseball pants cuz my ass is out of your league.

Hanji: *hugs Levi*  
Levi: What are you doing, shitty glasses?  
Hanji: Appreciating the little things in life  
Levi: YOU BITCH.

Bertholdt, momentarily pulling away from a tender kiss: Wow...I’m really feeling a spark here, Reiner.  
Reiner with a mouth full of pop rocks: It’s the pop rocks, babe

Marco: Accept your flaws, you’ll feel better. It worked for me.  
Jean: You’ve accepted your flaws?  
Marco: No, I accepted yours

[At Jean and Marco’s wedding]  
Bertholdt: *raising a glass* to my new brother-in-law, I say this:  
Bertholdt: You have released me. This monster is yours now

Bertholdt: That’s it, Eren! You’re about to get it!  
Eren: Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait  
Bertholdt: WHAT?!  
Eren: I’m baby  
Bertholdt, about to punch him: What the fuck does that-  
Armin: *pushes Bertholdt’s fist away* Hey, stop, you can’t do that.  
Bertholdt: WHAT?  
Armin: He’s baby, you can’t-you can’t just do that  
Eren: *sticks his tongue out at Bertholdt*  
Bertholdt: He fucking-  
Armin: Yeah well, he’s baby

Bertholdt: I request for you not to be a bitch  
Marco: Request denied 

Reiner: My husband bought off brand Pop Tarts. Sometimes I think he’s acting out on purpose. Don’t know why he’s trying to drive me away but I’m not going to budge. I’ll love him through this. This is the raw and often ugly side of marriage that people don’t want to talk about.  
Bertholdt: They’re organic for our children, you man-baby

Armin: Everything is going to be all right.  
Eren: How can you say that?  
Armin: because sometimes when times get tough, denial is all we have

Reiner, holding a door open: Ladies first.  
Jean, pushing past everyone: FUCK YEAH! I’M A QUEEN

Ymir: Small creatures are more vicious. Their anger has less space to be bottled up in.  
Annie: That’s ridiculous. Give me one example of this.  
Armin: Wasps  
Connie: Terriers  
Eren: Levi

Reiner: *pulls out a pistol*  
Bertholdt: You can’t shoot me. I bet you’re so drunk that you’re seeing double  
Reiner: *pulls out another pistol* I’ve got a gun for both of you

Bertholdt: *pulls out a pack of cigarettes*  
Reiner: *gives him a disapproving look*  
Bertholdt: I just like the feeling of something in my lungs  
Reiner:  
Bertholdt:  
Reiner: Have you tried breathing-


	2. Mostly ReiBert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you have any requests just comment below

Eren:[trips and falls down]  
Levi: It’s cute how you’re falling for me.  
Eren: We’re married, Levi  
Levi: Still

Eren: The foods too hot I can’t eat it.  
Levi: You’re too hot but I still eat you  
Eren: *blushes*  
Levi:*Winks*  
Armin, slamming his hands on the table: one dinner. I just want ONE DINNER

Reiner: *gets a papercut*  
Bertholdt, under his breath: hasn’t he been through enough!

Marco: Is that a hickey?  
Bertholdt: WHAT pffftt no, it’s just a mosquito bite  
Marco: Uh Huh if you say so  
Reiner: *walks in* hey guys  
Marco: hey mosquito 

Bertholdt: Tonight I’m taking charge in bed for once. Be a good boy and assume the position.  
Reiner:  
Reiner: [holds his hand]  
Bertholdt: ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᵘᶜʰ

Eren: *sighs dramatically*  
Levi:  
Eren: *sighs louder*  
Levi:  
Eren: *screams*  
Levi: holy shit, what do you want?!  
Eren: attention 

Marco: fist me  
Jean: I- what the fuck  
Marco:(holds out his fist for a fist bump)  
Jean: right, that’s what you-right ok god Jesus fucking Chr-

[Over the phone at 3am]  
Bertholdt, half asleep: hello?  
Eren: Hey Bert  
Bertholdt: It’s 3am what the fuck do you want?  
Eren: I saw this challenge on YouTube where they call the devil at 3am so I thought that I’d try it myself  
Bertholdt:  
Bertholdt: okay now listen here you little shit

Bertholdt: If Reiner and I were drowning, who would you save?  
Marco: You morons can’t even swim?  
Reiner: It’s a hypothetical question, Marco  
Marco: I would save my time and effort.

Reibert getting arrested  
Cop: What are your names?  
Reiner: Don’t tell him Bertholdt  
Cop [writing down]: Bertholdt  
Reiner: shit  
Bertholdt: Nice going, Reiner  
Cop:  
Bertholdt: Oh fuck

Bertholdt: babe, you still up?  
Reiner: Yes.  
Bertholdt: are you mad?  
Reiner: of course not. Why?  
Bertholdt: I don’t know, that “yes” sounded a little angry.  
Reiner: ...honey, we talked about this.

Jean: [pretends to stretch arms]  
Jean: [puts arm around Marco’s shoulder]  
Marco: [blushes]  
Reiner: [looks at Bertholdt sitting by his side]  
Reiner: [pretends to be stretching too]  
Reiner: [hits Bertholdt’s face with his elbow]

Armin: Hey Eren, what's for dinner tonight?  
Eren: Tonight I’m serving LOOKS  
Jean, slamming his fists on the table: WE HAVEN'T EATEN IN THREE DAYS

Marco: Jean and I have the kind chemistry where we finish each other's-  
Jean: -sentences.  
Marco: Don’t interrupt me

Reiner: I’m thinking a spring wedding, maybe fall, I don’t want it to be too cold though...  
Bertholdt: We aren’t engaged??  
Reiner: OHHHHHHH fuck that’s what I forgot to do on our anniversary!

Reiner: I confessed my love to Bertholdt sweetly and passionately.  
Bertholdt: Shut your bullshit bitch. You were literally drunk in front of my room and yelled,  
Bertholdt: “YO BITCH I KNOW YOU LIKE ME AND I LOVE YOU TOO BITCH,SO LETS SEX IT UP!” 

Eren: So is Reiner the big spoon or the little spoon?  
Bertholdt: He’s mostly just a pain in the ass  
Eren: HAH! I KNEW YOU WERE A BOTTOM!  
Bertholdt: *inhuman noises*

Bertholdt: Ugh. I barely got any sleep last night….  
Historia: You know what they say, whenever you can’t sleep that means someone’s thinking about you!  
Bertholdt: Who would be thinking about me at 3AM?  
Reiner: [Gay Panic]

Reiner: I’m the type of guy people write songs about  
Annie, walking by: Stupid Hoe by Nicki Minaj 

[doorbell rings]  
Bertholdt: Yes?  
Kidnapper: Look, I know you haven’t paid the ransom yet but-[hands Marco back]

Bertholdt: I’m ready to say three important words to you.  
Reiner, touched: Okay let’s say it together  
(at the same time)  
Reiner: I love you  
Bertholdt: Choke me daddy  
Reiner:  
Reiner: *experimenting technical difficulties*

Bertholdt: *wakes up in an unfamiliar room* Did I die?  
Bertholdt: *sees Reiner asleep next to him* Is this heaven?  
Eren: *banging on the door* HEY OPEN UP! IT'S ME, EREN!  
Bertholdt: oh fuck, this is hell

Gabi: I think there’s something wrong with Reiner  
Pieck: What do you mean?  
Gabi: He’s taking a nap...  
Pieck: That’s great!  
Gabi: In the middle of the road  
Gabi: While cars are still passing.

Reiner: Did it hurt?  
Bertholdt: What?  
Reiner: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?  
Bertholdt:  
Bertholdt, sarcastically: No I hurt my knee climbing out of hell.  
Reiner:  
Reiner:  
Reiner: So that’s why you’re so hot…

Eren: I spy with my little eye, something that starts with an ‘s’  
Jean: Salt?  
Connie: a snake?  
Armin: sand?  
Reiner and Bertholdt: [staring at each other in the distance]  
Eren: Sexual tension

Levi: You three. Explain. Now  
Jean: It was Eren.  
Connie: it was Eren.  
Eren: It was Eren.  
Levi:  
Eren: Fuck.

Levi: Make sure you aim straight  
Eren: Ha not-  
Eren: ...  
Levi: What were you saying?  
Eren: Nothing  
~later~  
Eren: Dear diary I nearly outed myself in front of Captain Levi because I wanted to make a gay joke, again

Levi: *rolls over in bed* You awake?  
Eren: *rolls over too* hehe yes~ *kisses his nose*  
[across the hall]  
Reiner: *rolls over* Are you awake?  
Bertholdt: *flops over* Bitch, what the fuck do you want?

Annie: *wears grey*  
Armin: I see you’re breaking out the spring colors.

Jean: I was put on this earth to do one thing.  
Mikasa: Oh?  
Jean: yeah. Luckily I forgot what it was so now I can do whatever I want.

Reiner: Just let me take you TO THE HOSPITAL-  
Bertholdt: oh I’m sorry, is this OUR stab wound now? Stay out of it, pretty boy.

Hanji: Fun game: play peek-a-boo with your baby and never re-appear  
Levi: My dad was good at this game

Reiner: Bertholdt wanted me to ask you to stop yelling “sweet dreams slut” at him when we go to bed every night  
Marco: Who’s Bertholdt?  
Reiner: Are you kidding me? He’s your cousin!  
Marco: Oh! You mean that slut!

Bertholdt: You’re so dramatic!  
Reiner, with a rose clenched in his teeth, throwing glitter around, dressed in evening wear, draped across a piano: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Reiner: Being gay isn’t a choice, It’s a game and I’m winning.  
Bertholdt, yelling from a passing golf cart: THINK AGAIN TWINK!

Bertholdt and Reiner with a ouija board: Annie, are you here?  
Annie through the Crystal: I’m literally right here you guys can see me.

Eren: You’re being impossible, Levi! You’re not the man I married!  
Levi: Fine, then! We’re getting a divorce! And I’m taking the kids!  
Armin, pushing away the monopoly board: Maybe we should stop playing…

Reiner: *hears a bang*  
Reiner: *picks up Historia and Annie* GRAB THE SMALL ONES FIRST! THEIR TINY LEGS ARE USELESS!  
Hanji:  
Hanji: *looks at Levi*  
Levi: dONT YOU FUCKING DARE

Reiner, covering his face with 4 different kinds of face masks: I hope this is enough charcoal and green tea to wash my depression away.

Reiner: I think you’re just being nice.  
Bertholdt: I think if you ask around, you’ll discover that’s unlikely.

Bertholdt: I think I’m having a midlife crisis.  
Armin: You’re 17  
Bertholdt: I could die at 34

Bertholdt: WHY WOULD YOU FILL THE FIRST AID KIT WITH CHEETOS?!  
Reiner bleeding out: I thought it would be funny at the time

“Of course he’s trying to lure me into a false sense of security. Well jokes on him, I’ve never felt secure in my life!”  
Reiner, internally

Eren: What happens when you die?  
Mikasa: You go to heaven?  
Eren: No like,  
Eren: Do I get your stuff?

Hanji: Can you tell me what happened?! Why do the kids need medical attention?!  
Bertholdt: Jean woke up Reiner at 3am by playing Spooky Scary Skeletons then he chased him until he tripped over the speaker.  
Jean: *peace signs*  
Hanji: And how did Eren get involved?  
Bertholdt : He laughed until he fractured a rib.

Hanji: Levi has a photo of his squad in his wallet. He said whenever he faces an obstacle, he looks at it and the problem disappears. I thought it was really sweet until he said ‘Because what problem could possibly be bigger than you idiots?’

Jean: Did you know Alabama spelled backwards is Alabama  
Armin, awestruck: Dude...  
Armin: No...no it’s not. It’s Amabala  
Jean: Mmmmmmmmmm nope. That’s the Queen lady from Star Wars  
Armin: *gasps* You’re right  
Levi:  
Mikasa:  
The guy molesting Armin:

Bertholdt: What’s wrong with you?  
Marco: alphabetically or chronologically?

Eren, at Falco: Why are you so small?  
Falco: ...I’m 12


	3. And Eren ruins everything again

Jean: When I was a kid I had a crush on a boy in my dorm and didn’t know how to deal with it so I wrote him a note saying “get out of my dorm”  
Marco:...thaT WAS YOU?!

Connie: I want to be as strong and stable as Jean is!  
Reiner:  
Reiner: I once saw him drop a pizza and cry about it for 20 minutes 

Reiner: *pulls back shower curtain while Bertholdt is showering*  
Reiner: where is- stop screaming! Have you seen any of my bras? I think I lost them. 

Annie: Did you eat all my powdered donuts?  
Reiner: *mouth full of donuts* no  
Annie: Then what’s that white powder on your jeans?  
Reiner:  
Reiner: That’s cocaine

Gabi: Can I have one more candy?  
Colt: What did Reiner say?  
Gabi: He said no  
Colt: Then why would I let you?  
Gabi: Reiner’s not the boss of you  
Colt, internally: It’s a trap, it’s a trap, it’s a trap

Marco: How was the honeymoon?  
Bertholdt: Reiner and I got drunk. He ripped up the marriage certificate and said, “good luck returning me without the receipt.”  
Bertholdt: I explained to him that we could still get an annulment if either of us so wished.  
Reiner: He’s lucky I love him

Bertholdt, still awake at 3am: If you work at a chicken farm and your job is to take care of chickens, does that make you a chicken tender?  
Armin, through the mindlink, eyes wide and staring up at the ceiling:

Levi: What are you, five?  
Reiner: Yeah, five heads taller than you.  
Levi:  
Reiner:  
Levi:  
Reiner: Please don’t kill me

Mikasa: Tomorrow is trash day, just a reminder.  
Reiner: *immediately stands up and walks outside to sit on the curb* 

“Think fast, die young, leave a sexy corpse.”  
Reiner Braun

Hanji: Everyone knows that you two are a couple.  
Levi: incorrect  
Armin: Everyone raise your hand if you think Eren and Levi are a couple.  
*everyone raises their hands*  
Levi:  
Levi: Eren! Put your hand down!

*gets hit by car*  
Passerby: aRE YOU OK?!  
Reiner: please...I-I need...my... phone  
*opens 104th group chat*  
Reiner: LMFAOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT??!?

Bertholdt: You remind me of the ocean.  
Annie: Because I’m dark and mysterious?  
Bertholdt: no because you’re salty and scare people.

The 104th sleepover:  
Historia: shhh ok let's actually go to sleep.  
[quiet for a minute]  
Eren: [starts laughing for no reason]  
[Reiner & Jean start laughing]  
Armin: Seriously guys, we have to fight titans tomorrow 

Armin: I don’t think you guys should drink more coffee  
Jean: coffee cures depression  
Reiner and Bertholdt simultaneously: its true, more espresso, less depresso  
*all three clink their coffee pots*

Reiner: If someone hurt you, I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth and make them suffer.  
Bertholdt: If you asked, I would kill everyone in this room without a second thought.  
Connie[thoroughly disturbed and a little scared]: You guys know that normal couples don’t say these things to each other, right? 

Bertholdt: I can’t go. Stress is bad for the baby.  
Reiner: What baby?  
Bertholdt: Me

Reiner: I’m useless.  
Ymir: Nah you’re not.  
Ymir: You can be used as a bad example 

Levi: What would you say if I came home one day with 6 kittens?  
Eren: What's in the box?  
Levi:...  
Eren: Levi, what’s in the box?  
Levi: I think you know.

Bertholdt: Why do you watch so much murder stuff?  
Marco: Just in case you slip up  
Bertholdt: I-

Connie, in his bunk: *sneezes*  
Bertholdt from the top bunk: Bless you  
Connie: god???

Annie, holding two pieces of bread: WHAT ARE YOU TWO?!  
Reiner and Bertholdt, between the bread: A gay sandwich

Bertholdt: We should wait. We were really loud last night  
Reiner: Don’t worry, Nobodys up and i’ll be with you  
[walks into kitchen]  
Jean:[sitting at island drinking coffee]  
Bertholdt:  
Reiner:  
Jean:  
Reiner: Hey  
Jean: sup daddy

Annie: Hello, nice to meet you. This is my ex-boyfriend, Armin  
Armin: You have got to stop introducing me like that.  
Armin: I’m her husband 

Bertholdt: I bet Reiner likes BDSM  
Historia: Whats BDSM  
Armin: (screaming) BIBLE DISCUSSIONS AND STUDY MEETINGS 

Reiner, whispering: babe, I love it when I make your eyes roll back-  
Bertholdt: [sighs dramatically]  
Bertholdt: first of all babe, I’m possessed.

Reiner’s anxiety: IM GOING TO DIE UNCARED FOR AND ALONE  
The other side of Reiner’s brain wearing a Hawaiian shirt: *cracks another sparkling water* Yeah probably 

Bertholdt at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with uhhhh, seven shots of espresso?  
Reiner, next in line: My god, just do cocaine 

Ymir: I only have a few more rules, You can’t wish for me to leave, you can’t wish for war, and you can’t wish for me to bring someone back  
Eren: I wish puzzle pieces would moan when we put them in the right places  
Ymir:  
Ymir: Now I have one more rule-


	4. Question

Question. I have OC’S of kids from my fave AOT ships (Ereri, Reibert, Jeanmarco, Aruani, Yumihisu)   
Do any of y’all wanna read about them?


	5. The War of the Homos

Annie: You deserve a award for putting up with me  
Armin: You are my reward  
Annie:

Reiner: ‘Person of interest’ is almost too flattering.  
Reiner: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, ‘A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,’ I’d be like, ‘Moi? Oh, do go on.’

Bertholdt: I’m going to take you out.  
Reiner: Great, it’s a date.  
Bertholdt: I meant that as a threat.  
Reiner: See you at six.

Reiner: I had a dream I was arrested for tax evasion, which is weird because I don’t even pay taxes.  
Marco: …That’s what tax evasion is.

Reiner: OH SO IM JUST SUPPOSED TO ENJOY GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO ME?! INSTEAD OF LIVING IN FEAR THAT THEY’LL TURN TO DUST IN MY HANDS?!

Annie: I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my boot, my sock is sliding off.

Bertholdt: I’ve stopped drinking for good.   
Bertholdt: Now I drink for evil. 

Ymir: *cracks knuckles*  
Reiner: Is that supposed to intimidate me?  
Ymir: *fingers light up like glow sticks*  
Reiner: K I’m scared but that’s rad

Bartender: *slides Bertholdt a drink across the bar*  
Bertholdt: *slides it back twice as hard*

Bertholdt: Why are you sad?  
Reiner: I don’t know.  
Bertholdt: No reason?  
Reiner: Oh, no, there are plenty of reasons. I’m just not sure which one it is this time.

Connie: Wheres the parmajuan cheese?Sasha: W-what?  
Connie: WHERE IS THE PARMAJUAN

Bertholdt: Look, I don’t mean to be a bitch  
Bertholdt:  
Bertholdt: Actually I do

Bertholdt: I'm not... great with kids.  
Marco: You're not great with adults either.

Reiner: Does everybody remember the plan?  
Annie: I thought we didn’t have a plan.  
Bertholdt: No plan? That’s easy to remember.  
Reiner:

Bertholdt: Yeah, maybe I don’t get “a healthy amount of sleep,” but can other people do this?  
Bertholdt: *stands up & blacks out for a second*

Hanji: Now that I have your attention  
Levi, working: You don’t have my attention  
Hanji: Eren  
Levi, dropping everything on the floor: I’m listening 

Eren: Levi is not the joyless robot that he once was.   
Levi: Is this about the time I ate a burrito?  
Levi [lowering voice]: You know I was pressured into it. 

Bertholdt: Why does everyone always assume the worst of me?  
Reiner: It saves time.

Bertholdt: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?  
Marco: I’m a knife.  
Jean, shouting across the hall: He’s a little spoon!!!

Annie: I’m a lover, not a fighter.   
Bertholdt: Annie. You have been in 68 bar fights this year. It is April.

Bertholdt: Sometimes I just want to drink my troubles away  
Bertholdt: *opens a Capri Sun*

Hanji: Hello, Levi. Make anyone cry today?  
Levi: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30. 

Armin: I invited 17 people over for a movie, you wanna come too?  
Jean: Of course, but why so many people?  
Armin: Well, I only wanted to invite you, but this DVD says “18+ viewers only.”  
Jean:

Reiner, staring at Bertholdt: He could murder me and I’d thank him.   
Annie, hearing this for the 100th time: I’d thank him too. 

Annie: Are you okay?  
Bertholdt, laying face down on the ground: I’m having some me time.

Eren: Why don't you slip out of that heavy armour and into something a bit more... comfortable  
Levi: I am most comfortable when impervious to physical attack  
Eren: ಠ_ಠ

Ymir: Top reasons for getting married?  
Ymir: Firmly saying “that’s my wife!” and taking someone down with a punch.  
Ymir: … and love I guess.

Levi, sliding a photo across the table: I need you to stab this person in the leg.   
Hanji: …This is a photo of you.   
Levi: Eren wants me to try zumba.

Historia: Fuck!  
Everyone on Paradis: *gasps in shock*  
Historia: That’s right, I’m rude now.

Eren: My criminal record??  
Eren: The only crime I’ve committed is killing it on the dance floor! haha.  
Eren:  
Eren: Well, no, actually. I have killed a man. 

Bertholdt: We shouldn’t have come. I knew it. We shouldn’t have come.  
Reiner: We had to. There’s safety in numbers.  
Bertholdt: Well, there’s also death in numbers. It’s called a massacre. A bloodbath. Carnage. Slaughter. Butchery. Wow.

Marco: So how’s fatherhood treating you?  
Bertholdt: Good. I didn’t expect this much crying, though.  
Marco: Don’t worry, it’s normal for babies.  
Bertholdt: What? No, the kids are fine. I was talking about Reiner.  
Reiner, sobbing with their kids in his arms: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Historia: So tell me something about yourself!  
Ymir [closing eyes for 12 minutes, opening them, exhaling long and loud]: No.

Zeke: I will ruin your happiness! No matter what!  
Reiner: My happiness?  
Reiner, turning to Bertholdt: I’m happy???

Bertholdt: Heaven help the person who ends up dating Marco.  
Jean: But I’m dating Marco?  
Bertholdt: Oh, my condolences.

Reiner: Such accusations! You wound me.  
Marco: If I were trying to wound you, Reiner, you wouldn’t be breathing.

Bertholdt: Nervous?  
Reiner: Yeah.  
Bertholdt: Is this your first time?  
Reiner: No, I’ve been nervous many times.

Ymir: Well? Did you kiss him?  
Reiner: No, the moment wasn’t right.  
Reiner: Look, Bertholdt could be my future husband and I want our first kiss to be amazing.  
Ymir: Aww, that’s so sweet. You chickened out like a little bitch.

Eren: There was a gunfight at my wedding.  
Jean: Wait, you’re married???  
Eren: No, I was the better shot.

Reiner: You have to pick your battles, Annie.  
Annie: Well I’m full of rage and I’m picking all of them.

Bertholdt: I need your help.  
Annie: Who are we killing?  
Annie: I don’t kill kids, that’s a rule.  
Annie: But the rule is negotiable if the kid’s a dick.

Reiner: do you want a protein shake bro  
Connie: nah bro  
Reiner: why bro?  
Connie: bc you’re the only one who gives me strength bro  
Reiner: bro

Armin: Don’t you miss the vivid imagination of childhood?  
Bertholdt: I never had one.  
Armin: An imagination or a childhood?

Reiner: I promised Bertholdt I wouldn’t do anything stupid today.  
Connie: Why would you lie to him like that?  
Reiner: I don’t know.

Reiner: I never brag.  
Jean: You once called your tits proof of God’s existence.

Eren: I don’t think I can stay on the same room as the person who ruined my life.  
Levi: For fucks sake, I’ll buy you more Coco Puffs in the morning.

Bertholdt: *eating a cinnamon roll*  
Reiner: Cannibalism.   
Bertholdt: *confused chewing noises*

Reiner: my son is so tiny i must have the tiniest son in the world  
Bertholdt: this is a regular sized baby, i don’t think you understand how babies work  
Reiner: I love my tiny son

Bertholdt: Ymir, please keep an eye on Reiner today. He’s gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched.  
Ymir: Sure, I’d love to see Reiner get punched.  
Bertholdt: Try again.  
Ymir: I will stop Reiner from getting punched.

Reiner: We have fun, don’t we, Jean?  
Jean: I’ve never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Ymir: I figured out why you’re so depressed. You have updog.  
Reiner: What’s updog?  
Ymir: BERTHOLDT GET IN HERE I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT

Reiner: I think it’s time.  
Bertholdt: Time for what?  
Reiner: For my son to say “fuck.”  
Bertholdt: No! Absolutely not!  
Their son, nearby: FUCK!  
Bertholdt: CHILD, NO!

[at a restaurant]  
Levi: Hey, are you single?  
Eren, blushing: Yes, I am  
Levi: [takes the extra chair in front of him away]  
Levi: Thanks

Counselor: So why are you two getting couples counseling?  
Marco: He keeps on saying ordinary phrases wrong and it’s driving me crazy.  
Jean: Oh! Cry me a table, Marco!


	6. Surprise more gay

Military Police Officer Jean: well well well, we yeet again my dudes.  
Criminals, crying: Please just arrest us already!

Reiner: Listen, you really need to relax  
Connie: *banging fists on table*  
BUT HOW CAN BIRTHDAY CAKE BE A FLAVOR IF BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Annie: How long are we going to let him do that?  
Bertholdt, pinching the bridge of his nose: just...give him a minute   
Reiner: [still pushing on a door clearly labeled pull]

Jean: what do y’all want for dinner?  
Sasha: how about sonic?  
Connie, under his breath: he’s so fast how would we catch him…

Reiner:[does something ridiculous]  
Bertholdt: Great, like I needed to get anymore attracted to you  
Reiner: What??  
Bertholdt: ANNOYED. ANNOYED BY YOU. THAT'S WHAT I SAID

Levi: Say yes to drugs  
Erwin: Say no to drugs  
Hanji: It doesn’t matter what you tell drugs  
Hanji: Because if you're talking to drugs, you're taking drugs

Eren: wha— Captain, what are you doing in my dorm? It’s three in the morning?  
Levi, urgently: teach me how to use emojis. 

Pieck: How high was I last night?  
Porco: You forgot what milk was and called it cereal water.

Sasha: This is a disaster! The printer messed up the invitation! It’s supposed to say “Historia’s Birthday”!   
Annie: What's it say?   
Sasha: Historia’s Bi  
Ymir: Hey that could still work

Armin: do you have a bag I could borrow?  
Bertholdt: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.  
Armin: you literally could have just said no.

Jean: *rolls over in bed*  
Jean: *whispers to Marco*  
Jean: I ate like 75 chicken nuggets today.

Eren: I’m not gay! Stop saying that!  
Armin: you’re currently sitting on Captain Levi’s lap  
Eren:  
Eren:  
Eren: he’s warm

Armin: ummmmm why is Eren crying on the floor?  
Mikasa: He’s drunk.  
Armin: ...aaand?  
Mikasa: And he found out Levi has a husband.  
Armin:  
Armin: bUT HE IS LEVI’S HUSBAND 

Bertholdt: And if you see Reiner, give him this message.  
Bertholdt: *Makes a neutral face*  
Bertholdt: He’ll know what it means.  
[later]  
Connie: Oh, and Bertholdt said to give you a message.  
Bertholdt: *Makes neutral face*  
Reiner: Oh no… The neutral face of displeasure…

Armin ,drunk: Have you ever thought about how when you look at the moon, it's the same moon Shakespeare, Marie Antoinette, Cleopatra, and Van Gogh looked at?  
Bertholdt, even more drunk: They all looked at the moon, they’re all dead. The moon is killing us. WAKE UP AMERICA

Eren: there’s no way Levi likes me the way I like him :(  
Mikasa:  
Armin:  
Hanji:  
Jean:  
Historia:  
Levi, down on one knee:

Bertholdt: We’re just…  
Reiner: Working…  
Bertholdt: Yes! We were just working… together… independently   
Annie: So… you two work together without your clothes on?

Bertholdt: WHY DID YOU DO THAT I SHOULD KICK YOU IN THE BALLS!  
Reiner: WAIT! NO DON’T! YOU CAN’T!  
Bertholdt: You’re right... I should kick you whERE THEY SHOULD BE

Jean: I can’t believe we’re stuck in this room together!  
Marco, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate...

Historia: So you really believe me, Ymir?  
Ymir: Historia, you’re the last good person on the face of this miserable planet. I’d believe you if you said that talking cartoon birds did your hair this morning.

Reiner: Bertholdt, have you seen my shirt?  
Bertholdt: No. How'd you lose a shirt?  
Reiner: Babe, is that my-  
Bertholdt: Reiner, we made vows!  
Reiner:  
Reiner: Babe I just need my shirt bac-  
Bertholdt: MY STUFF IS YOUR STUFF THATS WHAT YOU SAID  
Reiner: That’s a little over-  
Bertholdt: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE IS A LIE

Jean: You look nice. I want to kiss you  
Marco: What  
Jean: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU

Annie: Armin texted me “your adorable”  
Annie: And I replied “No, YOU'RE Adorable”  
Annie: Now he likes me. We’ve been on two dates and all I did was point out a typo.

Jean: I’m so happy, I could kiss you!  
Marco: *nervous gay silence*  
Marco: Ahhh...Neat.  
[later]  
Marco: *laying face down on his bed*  
Marco: I said “neat”, Bertholdt. Who says neat these days? It’s not neat to say neat, but I said it anyways because I’m stupid!  
Bertholdt: *idly turns page of his book*  
Bertholdt: Don’t beat yourself up too much, Marco. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I said to Reiner when he confessed to me?  
Marco: Didn’t you thank him?  
Bertholdt: *closes book and stares at the ceiling*  
Bertholdt: I thanked him...

Eren: Listen here you son of a bitch.  
Reiner: Hey! Don’t talk about my mother like that!   
Eren: I was talking about your father   
Reiner: oh  
Reiner: Carry on

Reiner, taking off a hat to reveal a smaller sparkly hat underneath: Does this answer your question?  
Bertholdt: I never asked a question 

Eren: I have no fears  
Armin: What if you woke up one day and Levi was taller than you   
Eren:  
Eren: I have one fear


	7. What am I even doing anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO POPULAR NOWWEE

Bertholdt: So if Historia jumped off a cliff would you?  
Ymir:*stares into the distance with a blank expression*  
Bertholdt: YMIR  
Ymir: well-er-I mean- It depends…  
Bertholdt : DON’T JUMP OFF A CLIFF  
Ymir: I wasn’t planning on it  
Bertholdt: Well if Historia did would you?  
Ymir: *stares off into the distance again*  
Bertholdt: YMIR

Eren: If I run and leap at Levi, he most certainly catch me in his arms  
Eren: COMING IN [runs at Levi]  
Levi: NO I'M HOLDING TEA  
Levi: [drops tea to catch Eren]

Reiner: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips  
Eren: Punch him in the stomach, and when he doubles over in pain kiss him.  
Jean: Tackle him  
Annie: dump him  
Marco: Kick him in the shin  
Bertholdt: NO TO ALL OF THOSE JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN

Marco: *taps table*  
Bertholdt: *taps back*  
Levi: What the hell are they doing?  
Reiner: Morse code  
Bertholdt: *aggressively taps table*  
Marco: *slaps hands on the table* yOU TAKE THAT BACK

Eren coming out to Grisha  
*draws a curvy line*  
Eren: This line isn’t straight and neither am I

Hanji: Did you kids get enough sleep?  
Eren:  
Armin:  
Mikasa:  
Bertholdt:  
Annie:  
Reiner:  
Ymir:  
Historia:  
Connie:  
Sasha:  
Marco:  
Jean: sometimes my eyes close when I sneeze

Kidnapper: I have your son  
Reiner: I don’t have a son  
Kidnapper: It’s says Daddy on the contact name  
Reiner: Oh my god you have Bertholdt 

Bertholdt: Annie, you really should apologize to Mikasa.  
Annie[looking at Mikasa]: Well, unfuck you,or whatever 

Marco: you’re cute, but selfish and narcissistic.  
Jean:  
Jean: He called me cute

Eren: *walks into a room*  
Levi: Not now Eren, I’m in a bad mood  
Eren: Good thing I came to ruin your mood!  
Eren: *begins to radiate pure sunshine*  
Levi: *smiles*  
Erwin: *gives Levi a look*  
Levi: He possesses dark magic I swear!

Annie: Oh no, you don’t want to date me, I’m a handful  
Armin, excitedly: I HAVE TWO HANDS!

Historia: Life is a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get  
Ymir: You’re going to get chocolate.  
Historia: that’s not what-  
Ymir: Chocolate. You’re going to get chocolate.

Bertholdt, picking up a crumpled piece of paper: Reiner? What’s this?  
Reiner: It’s my to-do list  
Bertholdt: Really? That’s great! I’m glad you’re starting to-  
Bertholdt: this just says my name.

Hanji: You need a hobby, Levi  
Levi: I have a hobby  
Hanji: How many times do I have to tell you that stalking Eren doesn’t count!

Annie: Are you a painting?  
Armin: What?  
Annie: Because I want to pin you against the wall.  
Reiner: Oh my god I thought you were going to say that you wanted to hang him.

Reiner: ugh! That’s so fucking stupid! Fuck it! Fuck this! IMMA FUCK EVERYTHING  
Bertholdt: Reiner! Calm down!  
Reiner: BERT, IM LITERALLY GOING TO FUCK YOU

Jean: [as Eren walks by] what an ass  
Levi: [sighing and staring at Eren’s ass] I know

[in the trees]  
Reiner and Eren: *yelling at each other*  
Bertholdt : Can I get a waffle?  
Eren: *slaps Reiner*  
Bertholdt: Can I PLEASE get a waffle

Reiner: Send dudes  
Bertholdt: you mean nudes?  
Reiner: I’m in a fight and I need more men.

Reiner: BERTHOLDTTTT!!!  
Bertholdt, whispering: SHUSHHH! the kids are sleeping!  
Reiner, whispering: sorry  
Bertholdt, whispering: what’s up?  
Reiner, whispering: our kitchens on fire-  
Bertholdt: OUR KITCHEN IS WHAT NOW-

Marco: Honestly, I love having thick thighs  
Marco: They make good hand warmers  
Jean: Can I use them for ear warmers?  
Marco: What do you mean, Jean?  
Jean: Ah shit- I didn’t mean to say that. Forget it.  
Marco, three weeks later: Wait a fucking second-

Levi: I always sleep with my knife nearby so that if anyone breaks in,  
Levi: I can kill myself to avoid meeting new people.

Reiner: Hey Bertl  
Bertholdt: Hey Rei-  
Bertholdt: WOAH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!  
Reiner: I shaved??  
Bertholdt: WHY?!  
Reiner: I THOUGHT YOU HATED IT?!  
Bertholdt: NO I DIDNT YOU DUMBASS  
Bertholdt: I WAS BEING G A Y

Reiner: You wanna get in my bed and cuddle?  
Bertholdt: Sure  
Reiner: No homo though.  
Bertholdt: No homo

Bertholdt: So uh, last night I accidentally slept with Reiner.  
Marco: You slept with Reiner?  
Bertholdt: Yes  
Marco: Accidentally?  
Bertholdt: Yes  
Marco: I don’t understand. Did you trip over something? Did you slip and fall onto his dick and were just like “whoops! My bad”?

Jean: Marco...I’m sorry  
Jean: Marco, Please talk to me!  
Jean: Angel?  
Jean: Mi amor?  
Jean: Beautiful Cinnamon roll?  
Marco: Sorry doesn’t bring my fucking skittles back, Jean 

Jean: Marco, I can’t believe it! Mikasa just liked my selfie!  
Mikasa, in the girls dorm, putting down her phone: Well that’s enough charity work for today.

Hanji: I’ve changed all my passwords to “incorrect”  
Levi: ...why?  
Hanji: So if I forget it, my devices will remind me “your password is incorrect”  
Levi: That is the most genius piece of idiocy I’ve ever heard

Reiner: You have to learn to love yourself.  
Gabi: Don’t you hate yourself?  
Reiner: Yes,but this is about you, stay focused.

Levi: What did you do?  
Eren: You can’t get mad at me  
Levi: What. Did. You. Do  
Eren: Ok, first i was minding my own business-  
Levi: *slams hand down* BULLSHIT  
Eren: I WAS

Reiner: So what does your fortune in your cookie say?  
Bertholdt, chewing the whole thing: my what in my what now?

Reiner: Every time I go to a hotel, I take a bite out of the soap, just to mess with people.  
Jean: You do realize that by eating soap,you’re the one who’s losing right?  
Connie: You’re just jealous he was brave enough to taste the forbidden white chocolate.  
Bertholdt: White chocolates disgusting!  
Jean: AND SOAP ISN'T?!

Eren: I think I found a way to make money  
Armin: You’d make a decent stripper  
Eren: I’d make an AMAZING stripper but that’s not what I’m talking about 

Connie: You know you can die from that, right?  
Jean, smoking a cigarette: That’s the point  
Reiner, drinking vodka: We’re trying to speed it up  
Armin, eating raw cookie dough: *nods*

Bertholdt after drinking two bottles of vodka: What if all caterpillars are gay, and them turning into butterflies are them coming out.  
Marco trying to drag him to his room: Please go to sleep!  
Bertholdt halfway through another bottle: But think about it!  
Armin through the mind link: PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!

Jean: *screams*  
Eren: WHAT?!  
Jean: Something just brushed against my left leg!  
Eren: What was it?!  
Jean: ...oh no, it’s okay; it was just my right leg

[hiding in the wall]  
Reiner: *whispering* Hey man, you got any more starbursts?  
Bertholdt: *whispering* I got like three, but you can’t have the pink one.

Reiner: A soulmate is someone who won’t complain about any of my music when I put my iPod on shuffle.  
Jean: I complain about my OWN music when it’s on shuffle, what are you talking about?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have this little headcanon that Bertholdt would always tease Reiner about his beard and one day when Reiner shaves he completely freaks out


	8. I need to be stopped

Erwin : We’re not mad, we just want to know why you would need a fake ID  
Armin: *Incoherent mumbling*  
Hanji: Speak up, Armin.  
Armin: … you need to be over eighteen at Petco to hold the puppies  
Hanji: Let me go get my things

Eren: I need sunglasses  
Armin: There’s no sun  
Eren: There’s still fashion

Porco, at Reiner: Anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid!  
Reiner: Porco!

Annie: You should always take pride in beating someone’s ass. Unless they go to the hospital. Then you should be incredibly proud

Marco: Fake crime podcast. It’s a podcast with ideas for crimes no one has tried yet.  
Bertholdt: You mean my inner monologue?

*Reiner and Jean, talking about a online quiz they took*  
Reiner: From what I know, Bert’s score was like, dominatrix.  
Jean: Isn’t that a dinosaur?

Eren: Beauty on the inside doesn’t get you free drinks

Reiner’s dad: You know what I like about you kid?  
Reiner: *smile* What?  
Reiner’s dad: I don’t see you very often. *proud smile*  
Reiner: *sad face* Thanks dad.

Connie: Dumbest scar stories, go!  
Levi: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.  
Historia: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.  
Armin: See this little scar on my arm? I got that when Annie dug her nails into my arm during a scary movie.  
Eren: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.  
Sasha: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.  
Jean: I have a few scars on my arm from crashing my skateboard.  
Reiner:  
Reiner: I have emotional scars.  
Connie: Way to kill the mood.

Bertholdt: You’ll have to forgive me, Reiner, I’m going to be half an hour late.  
Reiner, lying in bed, forgot they were even supposed to meet: you always do this

“I would fight myself if I could.”  
Levi

Reiner: … And of course, Bertl was there, looking at everyone with his bright smile…  
Connie: Why is he talking about Bertholdt?  
Armin: I’m not sure. I asked him about the weather and now we’re here. 

Eren: how fucked up would it be if you jumped in a ball pit and it was just tomatoes painted different colors  
Levi: depends  
Eren: … on what

Reiner: *running into the room and shutting the door* Hey guys  
Reiner: I’ve got a fun exercise. I would like every to take a moment and think back to a time when they did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wished they were treated.  
Annie: What did you do, Reiner?  
Police, pounding on the door: Open up!

Annie: I have not done anything wrong, ever.  
Armin: That’s a lie, but I love you.

Armin: Ah! The imposter killed Eren!  
Mikasa: I will avenge my brother...  
Armin: You’re a crewmate, you can’t-  
Mikasa: AVENGE!


	9. I wanna die lmao

Reiner: Bertholdt, you look awful. how much sleep did you get last night?   
Bertholdt: a solid eight minutes. not in a row, but you're not even that blurry

Levi: This blade reminds me of my husband  
Levi, smiling: Strong and very sexy 

Levi: I know we don’t see eye to eye on many things…  
Eren: It’s because you’re so small.  
Eren: [pats his head]

Bertholdt: You don’t drink? What do you do in social settings then?  
Reiner: Sit in my car and cry.

Reiner: If this squad ever gets taken down I will be very disappointed because this is the closest I’ve ever been to being popular even though it‘s like sitting at the cool table in a mental hospital.

Annie: i’m starting therapy tomorrow and i’ve been trying to think of power moves I could make towards the therapist. i've decided to bring a notepad with me and take notes on it whenever they take notes and then eat the paper at the end of the session.   
Bertholdt, crying: Annie, this is why you need therapy

Reiner: a reminder that the earth is a hot, molten core surrounded by a solid crust, and is therefore a ravioli.   
Eren: i'm begging you to stop.   
Ymir: no, no, let him finish.

Reiner and Jean: *pulling up to a Jack in the Box*  
Reiner: Hello, is Jack in?  
Cashier: Uh..  
Jean: Or is Jack off?  
Reiner and Jean: *proceed to high five each other and drive away*

Bertholdt: *takes a sip out of a bottle*  
Reiner: oh, what's that? that's a weird looking strawberry soda. *grabs bottle and takes a gulp*   
Bertholdt: Reiner, don't-   
Reiner, spitting out the drink: what the fuck?! that's not strawberry soda!   
Bertholdt: it's carbonated hot sauce

Jean: *does anything*  
Marco: Alright, I fuck with this.

Website: please enter a password.   
Eren, typing: Levi   
Website: password is too short.   
Eren: i know  
[on the top bunk]  
Website: please enter a password. Bertholdt, typing: Bertholdt  
Website: password is insecure.   
Bertholdt, crying: i know

Reiner: *brushes hand against Bertholdt’s*   
Bertholdt: *grabs Reiner’s hand and holds it tight*   
Bertholdt: fucking commit to it

Bertholdt, at Marco’s funeral: Can I have a moment alone with him?  
Jean: Of course *leaves*  
Bertholdt: Now listen here, asshole, I know you’re not really dead  
Marco, opening his eyes: Yeah no shit-


	10. Surprise, shawty! I did it again!

Bertholdt: this relationship is over, you think everything is a joke  
Reiner: knock knock  
Bertholdt, huffing disappointedly: who’s there?  
Reiner, voice cracking: …regret

Bertholdt: well, people always said i really knew how to light up a room :)  
Armin: that’s called arson, and all these people are witnesses

Applebee’s waiter: what would you like to order  
Eren: i’ll take the apple  
Applebee’s waiter: sorry, sir , we don’t actually sell apples here  
Eren, visibly frightened: alright then *gulps* i’ll take the bees

Hanji: so Eren, how did you know you loved Levi?  
Eren: well, a good romance starts with a good friendship  
Armin: and a bad romance starts with “ra ra ah ah ah ro ma ro ma ma ga ga ooh la la”

Eren, opening a letter: baby shower invitation? uh no thanks Historia, i can have a regular sized shower whenever i want  
Armin: give me that-

Connie: Reiner, is it true you spent three days in the back of Bertholdt’s car to scare him?  
Reiner: no  
Reiner: it was five

Armin, apologizing: .. .—-. – / … — .-. .-. -.–  
Eren: what’s that?  
Armin: remorse code  
Eren: i’m even angrier now

Reiner: bitch  
Eren: blocked.  
Reiner: wait, Eren. unblock me i need to tell you something  
Eren: oh, sorry. what is it?  
Reiner: bitch

Erwin: can we talk about the company wide email you just sent out?  
Levi: it’s a critical update  
Erwin: it just says “i’m back on my bullshit”  
Levi: people need to know

Connie: hey, Armin  
Connie: what do you call a fish with no eyes?  
Armin: an astyanax mexicanus  
Connie:  
Armin:  
Connie: a fsh, Armin 

Bertholdt: *clearly annoyed*  
Reiner: what’s wrong?  
Reiner: is it because my shoes light up and yours don’t?

Bertholdt: is this whiskey or perfume  
Reiner: *takes bottle and chugs it*  
Bertholdt: Rei-  
Reiner: it’s perfume.

Eren: how’s the most attractive man in the world doing?  
Levi: idk, how are you?  
Eren: f-fine

Jean: when will the clown sightings happen again? that was fun  
Marco: look in the mirror and they can start today  
Jean:

Bertholdt: what gives you butterflies every single time, no matter how many times you experience it?  
Marco: buying caterpillars

Reiner: it costs $400 to go see a therapist  
Reiner: it costs $0 to say “that’s show biz baby”  
Bertholdt: no

Eren: hey guys, want a tarot reading?  
Jean: these are pokémon cards

Bertholdt: some people give off a “don’t fuck with me” vibe  
Bertholdt: and i wanna give that one off, but my vibe’s more like “if you poured hot soup into my lap, i’d probably apologize to you”

Eren: good night. sleep tight. don’t let the bedbugs bite. tonight. ima fight. till we see the sunlight. tick tock. on the clock. but the party. don’t stop. no. oh. OH  
Jean: i would pay you large amounts of money to drown me right now

Historia: all my snacks are organic :)  
Sasha: that’s cool, i eat candy off the floor

Eren and Levi’s son: why do good people die young?  
Levi: well, when you’re in a garden, what flowers do you pick?  
Their son: the ugly ones  
Levi: exac- wait, what?  
Their Son: ugly bitches don’t belong in my garden  
Levi:  
Eren, holding back tears: THATS MY BOY!


End file.
